her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
