I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
