You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
3 2 1 whiskey
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
