The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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