You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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