Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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