oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
