He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
