I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
