she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
