it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
