Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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