Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
