At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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