How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
