You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
