i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
