i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
