dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize