I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
