If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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