I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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