Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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