This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Randomize
