I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
