I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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