When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize