Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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