Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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