Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
