Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
there is glitter all over my balls
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