Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
they call him Oral-B. enough said
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
