rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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