Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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