Non-Jews are for practice
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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