So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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