I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am midnight drunk by noon
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
