He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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