at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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