no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
