I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
