I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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