sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
