You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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