first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
