To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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