I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
