if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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