No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
