His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
