it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
