i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
