I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
