i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
