I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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