Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
