Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
