my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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