Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
