How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
