In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
