you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
