Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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