Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just high enough for therapy.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
