I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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