He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
