i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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